


Bride and Burglar

by JustineDuMonde



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Catwoman (Comics)
Genre: A little larceny never hurt anyone, Alternative Story, Bruce Wayne Loves Selina Kyle, Burglary, Engaged Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, F/M, Finding the perfect wedding gown, Selina Kyle is Catwoman, Theft, Wedding Planning, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 08:42:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21491521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustineDuMonde/pseuds/JustineDuMonde
Summary: How Selina goes bridal shopping.A retelling of Batman #44, correcting what I thought was a huge mistake.
Relationships: Batman/Catwoman, Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 19
Kudos: 38





	Bride and Burglar

When Selina was little, she didn’t dream about her wedding. She didn’t believe in happy marriages, or happy endings. Her parents? Not great role models. Happy endings? Not in this city. 

Yeah, so much for happy endings, right? Then she met Bruce, who did the worst thing possible. He fell in love-and she did, too. They fought each other, fought together, nearly died together, lived together.

And one night, on a rooftop, he asked. She answered.

This was never going to be a conventional marriage.While most were not aware of the upcoming nuptials (with a few exceptions), the costumed types were. Batman was marrying Catwoman. Of course, it was actually Bruce marrying Selina-but that had to be a secret. Otherwise, identities exposed, lives ruined. 

And so, plans were made. Discreetly. A bridal shower with Lois, at the Fortress of Solitude? Let’s just say, what happens at the Fortress . . .

But one item remained. The wedding dress. For a bride, it’s their second most important decision. First? Saying “Yes” to the right person. For most women, it’s a trip to the local bridal store, trying on dress after dress until they find the right one. 

Which works, unless you're Selina Kyle. Selina could walk in, ask to try on a few gowns. And then have to answer some awkward questions. Like, “Who’s the lucky guy?” “Oh, I’m marrying Batman!”

No.

So, plan B. Find a dress, steal a dress. Easy, if you're the best burglar in the city. Right?

2:17 AM. A rare night when Bruce isn’t on patrol, and they get to sleep before the sun’s up. Selina, using every bit of stealthiness she has, slips out of the bed, and into the bathroom. And into something may not as comfortable, but certainly more practical. By 2:54, she’s out the bedroom window.

An hour later. The rear door of Gotham Bridal. Alarms? Check. Need to tell Bruce the WayneTech 6501 has an exploitable bug that lets you remotely shut the alarm system. 

She’ll tell him. After the wedding. Maybe. 

Next, a Hansen deadbolt, with a spring bolt lock on the handle. Four minutes later, alarms neutralized, locks opened. Not her best time. 

Through the door, out into a hallway, and off to the showroom. What she’s looking for should be right out in front. It was featured in a story about the designer, who was doing some very avaunt garde wedding gowns. 

And, if Selina believed in love at first sight? She did now. But the dress? Not in the window, or the front of the store. Twenty minutes of prowling? No gown. 

4:31 AM. Time for a break. The lock on the fridge she picks with a hairpin. Having short hair meant she didn’t need them, but hairpins could come in handy. Like, say, to pick open a shoddy lock. Champagne? Of course! 

After a glass, checking her messages in case Bruce woke up, and going over mentally the last half hour or so, Selina realized that they’d probably have a couture, expensive, one-of-a-kind dress somewhere it could be shown off for the right buyer. Getting off the sofa, she walked to the back, into the dressing rooms. 

And in the "Queen's Room," she found the gown. Her gown. Selina takes it off the mannequin, carefully. The tag reads “The JJ Collection. $28,000.” She almost purrs as she takes her catsuit off.

The top is black lace, off the shoulder, not too modest, not too demure. Long, white, flared skirt with black lace at the hemline. She looks at herself in the mirrors, turning around a few times. “This,” she said out loud, “this is my dress.” One of a kind. Elegant but daring. Her. 

Slipping the dress into a garment bag, Selina gets dressed and heads back door. Taking a few stacks of bills from her backpack, dropping them on the counter with the price tag, and a note:

“A girl needs the purrrfect gown. Tell Joelle she’s a genius!

\--Catwoman”

By 6:34 AM, Selina has returned to the Manor. The dress is in her bedroom, hidden away from the groom’s prying eyes. Bad luck, after all. As she steps out, Alfred is on his way with breakfast. Selina gives him a smile, and a wink. Putting her finger to her lips, Alfred leaves the cart, with a knowing smile.

6:40 AM. Selina Kyle, fiancee of Bruce Wayne, Catwoman, is in bed with the man she loves. And with her happy ending, she goes to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I love Selina Kyle. For a lot of reasons. An independent woman, complicated, who went from tragedy becoming Catwoman. And a woman who lives with a strong moral code. Like, you don’t steal from “regular” people. 
> 
> And then there’s Batman #44, titled “Bride or Burglar?,” written by Tom King with art by Joëlle Jones. It felt-wrong. Selina might do an B&E, but blow a hole in the floor? Leave a huge mess? And take a $28k gown? 
> 
> No. So, thanks to the wonders of alternate universes, here’s what I think really happened. My first attempt at fanfic, which I hope you’ll find acceptable . . .


End file.
